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From: Jean
Date: 9/21/01
Time: 10:24:41 PM
Subject: Grief I just had a realization that I want to share as I am sure it will help me and maybe one or more of you. I was struggling to write an email to someone who, lets just say we are not seeing eye to eye and these thought came to me thru the stuggle. We are a nation in grief. Each and everyone of us. There are various stages of grief and I don't remember right now what they all are, but I recognize that the list is missing one. Now people go thru the grief stages in their own way and own time period. Some go thru a stage in a blink of an eye and some may stay there for months or longer. The stage of anger is one of the most difficult and hardest to get thru. And the one I want to add is scared, scared of the future. Couple more are guilt and of couse sad. Now the reason that I want to add scared is that I thought that I was being very calm, cool and collected, not like all those people who are letting their emotions stopping thier thinking straight. Not taking time to step back and think before plunging into something. But I just recognized that I am scared, really scared, scared of the future, scared of the wrong move being made. I've decided to accept that in myself, althought I have always been the tought one in times of stress. I don't really like myself too well as a scared me but its okay. And just maybe a lot of that scared has been there along time but I keep stuffing it down and can no longer do that. And if tomorrow I am angry or sad or guilty, then I will accept that too. It will be a lot easier cause now I know where it is coming from. And this mix of emotions is good for the security of us all. Those of us who are scared will not act, better to run and hide, and those in anger might act too fast. So it makes a balance. You know we are all OK, and those around us are OK. Coming from a different place because we just have different timing. It may take a while to get this choir singing in any kind of real harmony. So maybe we need to keep saying that. I am OK and so are you. Just kind of keep coming back to that. Maybe write it down to remind ourselves, paste it on the frig or something. Once I was filling in for a counselor on vacation and one of the clients was a teen who keep runing away. So mon and daughter were trying to solve this problem. I could tell this was a good kid and a caring mother. So playing catch up as I had never talking to them before, I asked "Did anything happen unusual before this running away started" They thought for a minute and one said well Grandma Died, " And then the other said and so did Uncle so and so" I think we got up to a total of 5 family menbers that there was no time to grieve between each one. They realized it before I did that this was the problem and the kid did not need to run away again. So recognize that this might be what is going on as kids and teens and grown ups too, are acting out. They are confused and you may be the one who can explain it to them or their parents. So see the Okness and recognize and repect the differences and this too will pass. Now don't expect me to change and want to bomb the bastards, but I will try to respect that it is OK if you want to. And I may even still want to talk you into a different action. But I will know that you are still OK and very valuable to me. It may take a moment for me to remember, cause I am just a humane you know and got a lot of growing to do yet. Gotta feed the cat and wash the dishes, life goes on. Jean